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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26199274">nobody's perfect</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fonulyn/pseuds/fonulyn'>fonulyn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Old Guard (Movie 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempts at humor anyway, Fluff and Humor, Gen, M/M, Nile learns new things about them, Nile's POV, Team bonding type of thing, a little crack-y, vague mentions of canon typical violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:40:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,949</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26199274</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fonulyn/pseuds/fonulyn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>One late evening Nile is pleasantly sleepy, curled up on the other end of the couch as Joe occupies the other, watching some historical documentary on TV and correcting only about every third sentence. Nile has no idea if he’s just messing with her, or if the program really does get that much wrong. </p><p>She’s sleepy enough, relaxed enough, that when the question tumbles out of her she doesn’t even try to hold it back. “So. What is <i>your </i>weakness?”</p><p>Without a beat, Joe replies with a charming grin and “Nicky’s eyes.”</p><p>Nile aims a kick at his ribs, but he catches her foot easily, fingers curling around her ankle as he sets her foot back down onto the couch. “C’mon, I’m being serious here,” Nile says, insistent, “Nicky gets lost even in the supermarket, and Andy refuses to admit she can’t tell colors apart. You’ve got to have something similar. So what is it?”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>92</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1318</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>nobody's perfect</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>inspired by <a href="https://theoldguardkinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/1468.html?thread=236732#cmt236732">this prompt</a> :3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time Nile works with Nicky, just the two of them, she’s honestly a little excited. She already spent a few months with Andy, and has been teamed up with Joe three times, but she’s never before gotten to try out how well she and Nicky work together. No matter how much practice or planning there is, it’s never the same as the real thing, and she has a feeling they’ll pull this off <i>phenomenally</i>.</p><p>She does find it a little odd how Joe pulls her aside before they leave, muttering a low “You’d better drive.” But there’s not enough time to question him as they’re practically out of the door already. Then her focus shifts back on the mission at hand, and it’s all she thinks about, all she focuses on, until the moment they’re scrambling to get into the getaway car. Distantly she thinks there’s something she should remember, but Nicky is already behind the wheel.</p><p>For someone who is usually so calm and collected Nicky has a considerable amount of road-rage, and when he takes a corner with the tires screeching Nile fears for her life, as much as she knows it’s not logical anymore. She’s gripping onto the seat knuckles white, cursing out loud as they almost swerve into the only tree lining the entire road.</p><p>They manage to escape though, which is the main thing, and once Nicky finally slows the car down Nile lets out a breathless laugh. “So <i>that </i>was what Joe meant.”</p><p>Nicky spares her a glance, arching an eyebrow. “Joe what?”</p><p>“He told me I’d better drive,” Nile confesses, “but I think it’s actually better that you did. Andy tells me I drive like a grandma.”</p><p>If she finds it suspicious that Nicky doesn’t respond anything, she doesn’t really have the energy to care about it. She closes her eyes and slouches down in her seat, allowing herself a moment to relax. She’s lulled to near sleep by the steady rumble of the engine, and she dozes off for a bit as much as she tries to stay awake. But it’s only a half an hour drive, she checked it on Google Maps beforehand, so she figures that Nicky can manage without her.</p><p>Nile startles awake and when she squints at the time she realizes that it’s been over an hour by now. “Nicky?” she asks, voice a little slurred by sleep, “Where are we going?” She straightens in her seat and blinks at the open plains outside the window. They should be in a <i>forest</i>, not out in the open. “Did you change plans?”</p><p>“No,” Nicky replies, giving a small headshake. His expression is a little pinched, and he seems to consider it for a moment before he eventually exhales and gives in. “I may have taken a left where I was supposed to take a right.”</p><p>“Are you saying we’re <i>lost</i>?” Nile asks, unimpressed. </p><p>“More like taking a small detour?” Nicky suggests. The small smile he gives her is sheepish, though.</p><p>“Let me pull up the map,” Nile offers magnanimously. She’s already fumbling out her phone, hoping that it’ll work enough even smack in the middle of nowhere. Once she’s found out where they are, and begins to instruct them back onto the correct path, she shakes her head and laughs. “I can’t believe this. You’ve had centuries to learn how to read a map. I showed you the route at least seven times and you said you’ve got it!”</p><p>“I can draw it on a map,” Nicky says petulantly. Then, as if as an afterthought he adds. “Usually Joe just tells me where to go.”</p><p>“So he’s like your personal navigator,” Nile grins. </p><p>She doesn’t mind this all too much. It’s actually kind of nice to notice that even the thousand year old warriors have human weaknesses. And now that she knows Nicky has absolutely zero sense of direction, next time she’ll just make sure she stays awake to watch where they’re going. That is, if Nicky’s driving doesn’t end them up smashed against a tree.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*</p>
</div>Coincidentally it’s only three days later when Nile is lounging on the couch with a cup of tea, flipping through the channels of the small black and white TV. She’d complain about it but she’s not really even in the mood to watch anything. Not all of their hideouts can have full home theater setups, she supposes.<p>That’s when Andy walks in, wearing the most obnoxiously bright red shirt Nile has seen in her entire life. Not only that, but it’s paired with vibrantly green pants, and Nile can’t hold back the snort as her first association is Christmas. </p><p>Andy arcs an eyebrow, looking for all intents and purposes like she hasn’t actually woken up yet. </p><p>“It’s just…” Nile waves a hand towards her. “Very festive.”</p><p>“Festive?” Andy frowns harder, glancing down at her clothes. “It’s what I always wear.”</p><p>At that Nile stares at her, stunned, and all she manages to get out is “It’s… not.” </p><p>Finally understanding dawns on Andy’s face, and immediately it morphs into what is decidedly a murderous expression. “Not <i>again</i>,” she mutters, already spinning around on her heels, “I’m going to <i>kill </i>him.” </p><p>She doesn’t get any further before Nicky appears in the doorway, looking sleepy and relaxed, but also decidedly curious. “Who are you—” Then his gaze lands on what Andy is wearing and the corner of his mouth ticks upwards in obvious amusement. “I see.” </p><p>Then there’s a chin propped on his shoulder, Joe’s arms finding their way around his waist from behind as he shamelessly leans close and peeks over his shoulder. “What’s going on here?” he asks, considerably more sleepily than anyone else around. Nicky nudges him with an elbow and nods towards Andy, and that’s all that Joe needs to understand. “Oh, you got the clothes I bought for you.”</p><p>“Move aside, Nicky,” Andy says, “I need to stab your man.”</p><p>“What is going on here?” Nile echoes Joe’s question, before any stabbing can take place. Sure it isn’t Andy’s usual style of black on grey with more black, but it doesn’t seem enough to actually stab someone over, and why—</p><p>Nicky, bless him, interrupts that particular train of thought before Nile can work herself even deeper into the confusion. “Andy is colorblind,” he explains, his eyes turned towards Nile.</p><p>“I’m <i>not</i>,” Andy spits out.</p><p>It is Joe who takes over, then, a grin tugging at his lips as he gives Nile a conspiratorial look. “She has never admitted to it. In all honesty, we weren’t really sure if she was, but then she attempted to defuse a bomb about a century ago, and ended up splattered over the wall because she couldn’t tell the difference between the green and the red wire.”</p><p>Andy has already given up on the stabbing, or then she’s pretending she has so that she can catch Joe – and Nicky – off guard later. “That never happened,” she says flippantly, but if one looks carefully there might be a hint of a smile somewhere there.</p><p>Then Nicky smiles at Andy, looking the picture of innocence. “I think that color looks good on you.”</p><p>With only a roll of her eyes, Andy huffs and walks away.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*</p>
</div>For reasons beyond Nile’s comprehension Andy ends up keeping the red shirt, and when she asks about it the response is a curt “Can’t see bloodstains on red.” and nothing else. The real reason, Nile suspects, has something to do with how triumphant Joe seemed about his prank gone right, and how that has brought a spring to their steps like nothing has in a while.<p>One late evening Nile is pleasantly sleepy, curled up on the other end of the couch as Joe occupies the other, watching some historical documentary on TV and correcting only about every third sentence. Nile has no idea if he’s just messing with her, or if the program really does get that much wrong. </p><p>She’s sleepy enough, relaxed enough, that when the question tumbles out of her she doesn’t even try to hold it back. “So. What is <i>your </i>weakness?”</p><p>Without a beat, Joe replies with a charming grin and “Nicky’s eyes.”</p><p>Nile aims a kick at his ribs, but he catches her foot easily, fingers curling around her ankle as he sets her foot back down onto the couch. “C’mon, I’m being serious here,” Nile says, insistent, “Nicky gets lost even in the supermarket, and Andy refuses to admit she can’t tell colors apart. You’ve got to have something similar. So what is it?” </p><p>“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Joe looks genuinely apologetic, his eyes big as he turns to look at her. Yet he can’t hold back the smile as he goes on, effectively ruining his act. “My weakness truly is Nicky’s <i>everything</i>.”</p><p>“<i>Joe</i>,” Nile groans. “Are you like… the worst cook in the history of <i>ever</i>?” She knows that isn’t true already as she speaks, as he has cooked for them, and cooked <i>well</i>. So she goes on, with the first things that pop into her mind. “Clumsy? Afraid of heights? Unable to drive a car? Are you one of those people who can’t lie worth shit? Oh, I bet that’s it! You can’t keep up a good cover story?”</p><p>“Oh no, I’m excellent at lying,” Joe says and looks a little too proud about it. After a second he does add, “When it’s not someone who has known me for centuries. You, too, will come to read me like an open book eventually. But living for as long as we have? You can’t live without lying about your existence.”</p><p>It makes sense. During the centuries they’ve been alive, of course they’d had to adopt so many aliases it eventually would be easy to slip in and out of one. Nile sighs a little, turning so she can get more comfortable. When she sets her feet in Joe’s lap, Joe doesn’t protest. “Then tell me,” she asks, “You can’t be absolutely perfect at everything you do.”</p><p>“He very nearly is,” Nicky cuts in, trailing into the room with his eyes trained on an open book he’s holding. “But he can’t tell apart left and right. He wears a watch only so he can check which hand is his left.”</p><p>Immediately Joe brings a hand to his heart, pulling off the most scandalized and shocked expression he manages. “Betrayed by my own heart,” he gasps. He’s smiling a second later, though, and isn’t making any less of heart eyes at Nicky than usual. </p><p>Still, Nile expected something… funnier? More prank-able? “That’s not a real weakness,” Nile grumbles. “Lame.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>*</p>
</div>Six months later Nile wonders if it’s possible to die from laughing too much.<p>Nicky is driving, trying to get them through the city without crashing into anything. Thankfully it’s way past midnight and the traffic is less than it would be during the daylight hours. </p><p>Beside him, Joe is shouting frantic instructions. “Go to your left!” he says, and when Nicky obediently does as he’s told, Joe’s immediate reaction is, “No! Your <i>other left</i>!” As if to check if he’s correct he glances at his watch, reminding Nile of what Nicky told her. </p><p>As much as Joe gives them wrong instructions – apparently he can read a map, but giving instructions without one? a lost cause – as lost as Nicky gets them, and as much as they theatrically threaten each other with divorce during the drive, as soon as they’re safe in their destination the two are giving each other the dumbest heart eyes again.</p><p>Nile knows where that’ll lead so she excuses herself. She can’t wait to tell Andy about their successful mission, anyway.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>am <a href="https://fonulyn.tumblr.com/post/627905885473226752/nobodys-perfect-team-joenicky-the-old">also on tumblr</a>, come say hi! :3 (also absolutely open for prompts!)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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